Changmin leaves quickly, before Jaejoong can come back. He just needs air, to find something to do and distract himself from what he saw. But he can't stop thinking about it. He feels alternatingly hot and cold, sweating and shivering, one right after the other. There are moments when he’s boiling with an anger and fury so great he wants to scream at the world and break something- anything- and watch it shatter into a million pieces. And then sometimes an overwhelming grief comes and drowns him in icy waves; he freezes up, drained of all emotion. He can’t even cry.

 *

Jaejoong calls him maybe thirty minutes later (he had come back to find the apartment door wide open, but everything still neatly in place. Only Changmin is missing, and he knows why).

 

Changmin lets his phone ring for a while before he finally picks up. He doesn’t say anything, but Jaejoong can hear him breathing.

 

There’s one thing to know: it’s not a misunderstanding. When Jaejoong begins to talk, trying to explain what happened, Changmin barely listens. He just stares off into the distance, body and mind numbed. Jaejoong can’t say anything to make it better. It all amounts to the same thing. This new person- this Yunho- has just replaced him.

 

“I understand,” he says once Jaejoong finishes. He’s thankful that he sounds so normal, as if everything isn’t collapsing around him.

 

“Changmin- ” Jaejoong hesitates.

 

“No,” Changmin says, too abruptly, and he curses at the way his voice trembles on that one syllable. “No,” he repeats, more firmly. “It’s okay. Really, I understand.”

*

Changmin goes to stay with Junsu for a while, until he can get another apartment. All of his belongings- clothes, music, even the most basic of toiletries, they’re all still with Jaejoong, but the last thing he wants to do is go back and face him. Not now, not ever.

 

Junsu’s madder than he is, honestly. The first day Changmin’s there, Junsu tells him to confront Jaejoong, to fight for him. “That was the happiest I’d ever seen you,” he says. “Don’t just give up.” Changmin doesn’t say anything; he sets his mouth in a line and goes back to what he’s doing. He’s tired of fighting for something that will never be his. Maybe he was never meant to find love, fine. He’s accepted it.

 

Yoochun catches him alone one afternoon, after Junsu goes out to buy some food to convince Changmin to eat something. He’s sitting in the guest bedroom, eyes closed, remembering.

 *

They are sitting on the couch. The sky is black; they’ve stayed up too late talking and Changmin’s about to fall asleep right there. Jaejoong threads his fingers through his hair and Changmin hums contentedly.

 

“Will you sing me a song?” he asks, voice drowsy and muffled.

 

Jaejoong pauses for a moment, and then begins to sing softly. It’s a song Changmin’s never heard of, with lyrics about love, about beginnings and endings and everything in between.

 

He falls asleep to the sound of Jaejoong’s voice, head resting on his lap. They stay like that for the rest of the night, and even in his dreams he thinks he can still hear Jaejoong’s voice, smooth and so sad.

 *

“Changmin.”

 

Changmin jerks up, dazed and disoriented. He touches his eyes almost reverently- they’re wet. He hadn’t realized he was crying. He rubs them once, twice, and looks up to see Yoochun standing in the doorway.

 

“What’s up?” His voice is rough with sleep.

 

The bed creaks as Yoochun sits next to him. Yoochun doesn’t say anything for a second, and Changmin suddenly wonders what life would have been like if he’d been the one to date Yoochun instead of Junsu, if their initial meeting had gone differently. He can’t get the idea out of his head, that he would never have met Jaejoong and Junsu would have no one. Maybe he and Yoochun would have been the ones to find Jaejoong and set him up with Junsu. And maybe Junsu would have fallen in love with him, and would be fighting for him right now.

 

He shifts his attention back to Yoochun, who finally looks at him and says in a grave voice, “I knew.”

 *

As soon as Changmin and Junsu are out of sight, still joking around with each other and laughing loudly, Yoochun grabs Jaejoong’s arm.

 

“I didn’t recognize you before.” His voice is even, almost calm, but Jaejoong freezes, turning slowly. Yoochun goes on. “I went to your high school. And I remember you.” He stops. There’s a tension in the air; he knows that what he’s about to say is dangerous- any secret let loose is capable of harm. Yoochun swallows and continues. “You had a boyfriend then, too. Yunho. And you were in love with him.”

 

Jaejoong flinches, swiveling around angrily.

 

“You don’t know anything,” he says, eyes cold, but there’s the faintest tremor in his voice, and Yoochun hears it.

 

“How can you- if you’re in fucking love with someone else, why the hell are you dating Changmin?” he asks, making sure to keep his voice low despite his anger.

 

Jaejoong smiles mournfully. “You don’t understand. I do love Changmin.”

 

And Yoochun believes him. That’s why he doesn’t mention the fact that the other day, he had seen Yunho in a store just a couple of miles away, doesn't mention how he had unexpectedly been struck with the sense of déjà vu and then- remembered. It had to have been a coincidence, nothing more.

 

“Don’t hurt him,” Yoochun says quietly, pleads. Jaejoong looks at him, startled, but before he can respond, Junsu and Changmin are back.

 

As he and Junsu are leaving, he pauses by Changmin, to try and give him some kind of warning, but what can he say? Be careful or there’s someone else, what he says won’t do anything but hurt Changmin. And so he says nothing.

 *

Yoochun stops talking, staring at his hands. He’s practically radiating guilt, but Changmin thinks he was right. There was nothing he could have done.

 

To Changmin’s disgust, he can feel his eyes tearing up again. “Shit,” he says weakly, trying to wipe them away with the sleeve of his jacket. He lets out a sound that’s halfway between a laugh and a sob. “I’m sorry,” he tries to say, but can’t get the words out. Yoochun seems to hear him, however, because he clenches his hands and says, “I’m sorry, Changmin."

He stays with Changmin until he can catch his breath, until the pain in his heart fades to a dull ache.